Vittel Girl

Missed Connections: TDF Edition

You wearing three Carrefour Polka-Dot hats backward and smoking cigarettes. You have dark eye-shadow and a nose ring. With your Grandparents? YOU LOOK BORED, TIRED AND PISSED. If you cannot tell your grandparents that collecting Haribo Candy off of the road is not fun anymore I will. ME, IN EXACTLY THE SAME SITUATION EVERY SUMMER SINCE I WAS 7!!!!!

Me climbing the Plateau de Beille looking like shit. You, wearing orange, waving a flag saying you want your own Basque homeland. You sound like every girlfriend I’ve ever had, will have or will ever know. Me wearing orange kit, about 115 pounds, hollowed out eyes, and salted lips like a margarita glass. Rest Day Rendezvous?

I saw you at the Carrefour yogurt aisle on the first rest day. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SO MUCH YOGURT IN YOUR LIFE?

Where is my sprint train? Where is my sprint train? Where is my sprint train? TF.

Me, sideburns, long, pointy sideburns, argyle socks, ascot, spats and monacle! We won the Team Time Trial, Held the Yellow Jersey!!!! And Won a couple stages. You fanatical sporting public and media representatives that only evaluate victory with, well, victories…BTW, I tell you what got us these victories: Selflessness, No Needles, Team Bonding, a Medium Sized Budget and a firm Anti-Doping message, which coincidentally are the same thing that lost us a bunch of races. ;)

You walking down the road in Texas with your daughter. Did you know that Texas is bigger than France? It was reported that You yelled, TENSPEED HEROES!!!!!! when a group of cyclists rode by. Very Cool. LOL.The socks are in the mail.